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Deus Ex Machina
Home | The Mary Sue Test | Fanfictions | Disclaimers | Original Characters | Deus Ex Machina | About Me | BEATRICE AND THE CAT | Reviews
Reviews

Some of the best reviews I've ever gotten!

Soul Angel for the story Cendrillon
*claps* Bravo! Someone who can actually write description!
I am actualy not too worried about this fic, for once the main
character's names are spelled correctly and they seem in-character.(thanks, by
the way, for the author's note of why some of the names are spelled
differently, I was going to chew you out for that...)
As for your orginal character, well... I have always said that
original characters belong in original fiction, but yours actually has a
personality and flaws, and (from the sounds of it) she might actual be a
problem instead of coming in and saving all of their hides while looking
pretty and gaining all of the main character's respect the instant they
seem them...
Now, on to the writing. I actually don't see too many grammer errors
with your writing, just a few little ones. I can actually visualize (sp?
I am too lazy to put this under spell-check) the setting and mood.
Very clever with the french phrases. I am just finishing my first year
of French, so I am glad I actually understood some of it... It was
nice/smart of you to add in their translations at the end of the chapter.
As for the plot... well, I am just hoping this doesn't turn out to be a
'my orginal character falls in love with my fav. character on the show'
fic. I love orignal plots, and as shown above I have read all too many
of stories that start out good with a orginal character, but they turn
it into a hopeless romance story ignoring any and all laws/plots of the
actual show. I am begging you not to do this!
All and all, fairly good. You got my interest...
~Soul Angel~
 
Aryuter for Nutcracker
There is one word to describe the beauty of this story -- just one. It's a word I've learned to use in those situations when you encounter something so beautiful, so heart-wrenching and appealing to the soul that most words utterly fail you -- you cannot describe the events without resorting to tears and a picturesque language of emotion. It's a word that holds great meaning to me. That word is "superb" -- whether it's technically correct or not by its definition, I hardly know. Definitions can not touch this story. ...Your story is superb, for the fact that it reached so far into my soul that mere language couldn't reach it anymore.
 
Luckner for Moonlit Mirrors
I read your story for the first time tonight, and really enjoyed it. I
don't write reviews often, because I can't seem to master the enthusiam
that people put into them, but I thought your story was so good I had
to write.
I don't see how you can possibly think your "writing abilities have
died."  I enjoyed chapter 7 the most of all as it started to provide some
answers and started to get Harry and Luna somewhat together (I'm a born
romantic).
You're doing something in your story that I believe is rather difficult
to pull off; that being to use flashbacks to tell two seperate stories
at the same time, and to do it seamlessly.  I'm looking forward to the
time when you merge the two elements.
Okay, you knew it had to come, the dreaded suggestion.  In a developing
relationship there has to be the element of trust.  Did you ever
consider having Harry tell Luna about his ghosts and Luna tell Harry why she
keeps getting injured?  A walk by the lake and a sincere talk could
really advance the element of trust.  I always liked this pairing because
I felt they could help each other deal with the hardships of their
lives.
By the way, I loved your reference to Queen Mab in chapter four. 
Someone that's a quarter fairy would most certainly call upon her name.  All
mythology is beautiful, especially Celtic mythology.
I look forward to your next chapter, may it be soon.
 
ArnryFife for Moonlit Mirrors
Good pacing.  Can tell that your in a jam with direction though.  You
tend to jump around a bit.  You've got a lot going on on top of trying
to wrangle a few OCs into the story.  You might want to pick a small
portion of the story and work toward a resolution, (i.e. Harry/Luna
romance, Harry getting to know siblings, Harry's subtle recollections of
past, Harry learns Kung-Fu at Draco's expense...)  You've got a lot of
subplots going on, focusing on one or two for a while might help with
focusing creativity.  If you need to sacrifice a subplot to help keep the
story going, I recommend taking the focus off of Emelye and her husband. 
Without reading the other story the two really just don't grab the
reader's interest.  Harry and Luna learning wandless magic is cool and all
but it sounds like your more interested in Harry finding happiness
through either his newfound 'coulda-been' siblings or through his
burgeoning relationship with Luna.  Other than that, you've got an excellen
t grasp of dialog, your characters are tangible and have a very close
to original canon feel, (Harry sounds like JKRowling's Harry, and the
others sound like the others should.)  You've characterized Luna very
well but be careful of losing her strangeness.  Harry can still fall for
her even if she does strange things.  It's part of her charm.  Try to
avoid overvictimizing her.  The Slytherins might be prone to be nasty to
her but the most the other houses might do to her is treat her like
Rudolph the Red Nosed reindeer or according to the book hide some of her
personals.  As tempting as it might be to turn Cho Chang into a villain
because she dumped Harry, remember that she still grieves for Cedric
and probably hasn't had her head on straight since his death.  Other than
that, it's goin great, don't stop.

General Grevous for My Girl
For the first time my critic's heart is sated.  I'm genuinely impressed
by this fic, a Cyborg/Raven pairing is always refreshing.  Something I
have not seen.  What strikes me is the agnst and fluff.  FLUFF!  These
elements combined with a wide vocabulary is what makes this a winning
fic in my view.

Capegio for Troublemaker
Very, -very- impressed.  Besides having almost no conventional flaws,
your words just seem to run together in one huge, complete idea.  I
could hear someone narrating it clearly.  All of the characters were
perfectly in character, and you managed to write about the movie without
taking every little bit from it.  You supplied details where they were
needed and did them believably and accurately.  Edmund was a very
convincing ten-year-old; he wasn't made into the jaded teenager like many people
end up with in their work, he acted his age and had appropriate
reactions.  The bit comparing the 'shallow copy' of the candy to the love the
Witch offered him was so brilliant I actually opened my mouth in a sort
of "Ho crap, how did I not notice that?"  Once again, I'm really,
really impressed with this, and I hope you continue writing more.

HollywdLizfor the story "Troublemaker"
I can't believe I haven't reviewed this yet, but I've read it several times, and each time something comes up right when I finish and I get distracted. But I keep coming back to this story. This is one of the best Narnia fics I've read. I like your take on Edmund's conversation with Aslan, and his transformation is gradual enough that it's realistic. I think your Edmund will not be the type to be constantly kicking himself and weeping in his sleep for years to come over what he did when he first came to Narnia -- I see a lot of that type in fanfic and I really can't buy it. So it's refreshing to see a realistic, touching take on my favorite Pevensie. I'll read any Narnia fics you write! Great job!

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